1. Sober Presidential Debate Drinking Game

    If you want to stay sober during tomorrow’s school night, town hall style-debate, here’s the drinking game for you:

    Drink if there’s a spirited debate that doesn’t demean the other side in any way.

    Drink if either candidate says, “You’re right, I did just make that up.”

    Drink if either candidate says something negative about the troops.

    Drink if Mitt Romney claims that he killed bin Laden.

    Drink of Barack Obama blames the altitude.

    Drink if Mitt Romney asks to see the birth certificate.

    Drink if Obama provides it.

    Drink if Mitt Romney uses Yiddish.

    Drink if Barack Obama fist bumps an audience member.

    Drink if Mitt Romney yells, “I’m out!” and drops the mic.

    Drink if either candidate extols the virtues of President James A. Garfield.

    Drink if the moderator throws her pen at either candidate in frustration.

    Drink if Ron Paul disguises himself with a fake mustache and tries to ask a question.

    Drink if anyone says “Iran-Contra.”

    Drink if either candidate is not wearing a flag pin.

    Drink if someone says, “I disagree with what you say, but I defend to the death your right to say it.”

    If either candidate invites a third party candidate on stage, finish your drink.

    If either candidate throws a punch, finish your drink.

    If either candidate vows to return any of the $1.3 billion they’ve spent on campaign ads to help fix schools and roads, finish your drink.

    If, at the end of the debate, you are at all drunk, finish your drink and move to Canada.

    Have some of your own? Tweet them at me.